Preparing for the Worst:

Caring for an elderly parent can be daunting, especially if you are not prepared for it. If you have a parent that is very independent, for example, you may put it out of your mind that your parent would even need anyone to care for them or that they would one day not be able to live independently. It can happen in the blink of an eye, one day your parent is independent and the next they are not. You suddenly become your parent’s parent, having to make decisions that you nevere prepared for or imaged you would ever need to make.

There can be any number of reasons why a parent would need care, perhaps they are just getting older and are not able to do things for themselves like grocery shopping, bathing, cleaning the house. They could have dementia, or another mental or physical illness which could cause them to need care as well. Regardless of the reason why a parent would need care, it’s important to plan for the day that your parent would no longer be able to care for themselves.

In order to avoid all of the legalities of trying to take control of your parent’s health care decisions or medical decisions after the fact, it may be a good idea to get all of the legal paperwork signed while your parent is still in good mental health.

Questions to Ask:

Some important questions and topics to discuss are:

If your parent does ever go into a nursing home, what do you do with their personal belongings?

If you parent has a car, what do you do with that?

If they own property or a house, what should be done with those items?

Who makes medical decisions for my parent?

Who manages the finances?

What if your parents have pets, what do you do with the pets?

How is my parent going to pay for nursing home care? Will my parent be self-pay, or will they need to be on Medicaid? If Medicaid, what are the rules and guidelines for that?

What kind of health insurance does my parent have?

What assets does my parent have?

Does my parent have life insurance? Do they have a pre-paid burial\funeral plan?

Warning Signs:

Some warning signs that your parent may no longer be able to live independently may be; not bathing or showering, no longer doing laundry, no longer driving, no longer grocery shopping, no longer cleaning the house. If your parent for example was a very independent person who was very active, driving, going shopping, cleaning, doing laundry, etc., and then you notice that their house is becoming untidy, dirty, clothes are not being washed, dishes and other housework not being done, then it may be an indication that your parent can no longer live independently.

Siblings and Parent Care:

With regard to parent care, the daughters are normally the ones who are tasked with taking care of their parents, with the brothers not playing a significant role which can be super frustrating for the women in the family. If you have a brother, for example, that lives closer to your parent than you do, even so, most likely, you may be the one doing most care tasks.

Caring for a parent and making the best decisions for your parent can be a very stressful time in a woman’s life. If you are prepared ahead of time, it can make the process easier.

Emotional Toll

Caring for a parent can be extremely draining,overwhelming and may even bring a sense of grief. While caring for your parent, you of course also have to maintain your own life, your job and other responsibilities along with trying to live your life. This can bring a sense of guilt that you are living your own life while your parent’s life is becoming more restricted and their freedom indepence is being slowly removed. When you are your parent’s caregiver, many times you are fulfilling multiple roles; the person who manages their finances, their healthcare, other personal decisions that they cannot manage themselves, basically every aspect of their lives. This can be depressing and stressful for the child taking care of their parent and you may feel like you have no private life left.

Staying strong, focused, organized, being prepared and setting boundaries can help children taking care of their parents.

If having everything in one place would feel supportive, we created a simple parent caregiver planner to help organize details during this season.